i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
