At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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