Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
