just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
