you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize