in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
