So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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