his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
farters have to be the big spoon...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
