Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
