Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
