worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
