okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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