if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i dont even know how to be here
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You made out with two different species that night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
