Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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