My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
