i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
