Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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