Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
