I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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