we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
