____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
