We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So here I am, sexting at work.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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