I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
