I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
