best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
