Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Randomize
