i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
