i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
