I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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