I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
