He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
