My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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