the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
