you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
