I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize