you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
