so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
