I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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