I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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