so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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