I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
