I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
