peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
