this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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