Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Pappa wants mamma naked
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize