Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
