i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i think i have two assholes
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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