this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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