Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize