She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
