Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
