Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
