new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
