Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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