im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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