I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
