that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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