R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
