1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
