just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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