Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
