I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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