oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
