the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize