I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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